By golly is it that time of the week already? “I love a digestive,” Proudlock confessed this week, and with a cup of tea in hand, don’t mind if I do sir (Mcvitties of course) and just in time for this week’s episode of Made in Chelsea…
“My mum sometimes calls me football head,” Natalya admitted to Francis this week.
Forgive me, as I don’t pretend to be an expert on romantic discourse, but this information is not the sort one should reveal, whist on a second date with Francis Boulle, the guy who swallows innuendos for breakfast.
“You’ve got a nice jaw line… a nice head too,” he mumbled to the somewhat distinctive beauty as we ventured once more into the weird and wonderfully intense mind of the ‘Sexy MP’ creator. If Spencer was to write an FYDI (for your dating information) chapter one being: the game, then surely, sloane ranger Francis justifies a ‘dating destination’ manual of his own, chapter one being: the skateboard followed by… the art studio?
“I’m a great admirer of the female form, so would you ever… pose nude?” Boulle hinted, “Definitely not on a second date” Natalya blushed. Naturally.
Next thing we know, Natalya will be lying on a couch wearing a diamond… wearing only a diamond. I’m not sure the viewers are ready for such a parody, and besides, it happened more like this: “I’m trying to capture the essence of your nose” and “You show me yours and I’ll show you mine.” Judging by the finished articles, something tells me that they won’t be “hanging together in the National Portrait Gallery,” anytime soon. Francis and Natalya, on the other hand, will indeed be “hanging out” as they plan date three…
I won’t hold my breath, however it appears Francis has met his match at long last. Perhaps its time Tatler reviewed their ‘little black book’ of eligible bachelors? Is this the end of ‘the game’ for Francis?
Meanwhile the three musketeers, Hugo, Spencer and Jamie were joined by newbie, Oliver Proudlock for a spot of whisky tasting at Milroy’s of Soho. It really is ‘all for one and one for all’ with these boys, as Caggie rightly pointed out during her gig this week: “It’s so weird how you guys just exchange your women like they’re cattle.” Of course, she was referring to the fact, that Jamie plans to date the local ‘friend with benefits’ Louise, a girl who has spent half of this series in bed with Spencer. How charming!
“You’re not cattle,” Jamie reassured Caggie, “you’re a girl.” Thanks for clearing that up Jamie!
Speaking of women, the confectionary connoisseur Jamie couldn’t understand why Rosie rejected his offer of a nightcap and “Not slammed, but like nicely closed” the bedroom door in his face, during last week’s weekend away at his country home. He went on to suggest that Rosie was “Probably A-Sexual.” Right, that must be it, because who wouldn’t be attracted to the would-be entrepreneur?
Heir to the Mcvities fortune, Jamie “Go big or go home” Laing boasted of his latest venture in this week’s episode. He hopes to open his own, rather sexed up version of a sweet shop, where he would hire models, also known as “beautiful, young student girls who need a job,” to serve customers, and here’s the brilliant part… he would call them his “candy kittens.”
The 22 year-old hasn’t quite worked out some of the finer details, like how he’ll afford the two million on rent each year? “We’re going to sell so many sweets it doesn’t matter.” Jamie has however, thought this business venture right through to the back room of the shop, where the candy kittens “start purring.”
Confidence is not something Mr Laing lacks, “If you could get into my head and take a look around, you’d be stealing the idea and setting it up yourself” he pitched to a not so convinced bank manager.
There is however, one flaw in Jamie’s plan to lure girls into working for him, using the free sweets card, as Hugo kindly pointed out - “If they get to have sweets all day long, then they’re not going to be young and good-looking for long, they’re going to be fat and rolling around the place.” Nicely put Hugo.
VIDEO: Purr for Me
Elsewhere, we were sipping juice at Megan’s café with new buddies Gabriella and Chloe. Gab’s took a break from plugging her singing career this week to hear of Chloe’s green soles. We’re speaking of her new shoe line, for Topshop. Obviously. Miss Green plans to name the shoes after friends. “Immense,” Gab’s enthuses, before suggesting “the Binky” who would be a wedge, apparently.
Does this mean an end to the Ollie-Gabriella-Chloe saga?
One would hope, but incredibly, the new found friendship between the girls sparked more drama this week as Ollie warned Chloe to keep Gab’s out of the situation, accusing her of adding un-necessary pressure to their short lived relationship. Tensions rose when Chloe defended her boyfriends ex, saying, “I think it’s wrong of you to put on all the blame on her, when it’s not her, the problem.” Ouch.
Things got a little steamy ‘Under the Bridge’ this week at Caggie’s gig, as she invited Proudlock to her dressing room after recreating Gaga’s ‘You and I’ to a small and familiar audience. “He’s either really hungry, or he likes what he see’s,” Jamie observed.
Things got really hot as Caggie went on to kiss Proudlock, right under Spencer’s nose. It seems she simply couldn’t resist the 80s-esk artist, who earlier offered his “massive arms” in order to help the singer move into her new Chelsea pad, where he met her younger cousin, Martha.
“Are you the new Spencer?” Martha squealed after asking the pair if they’d “kissy-kissied.” Ah don’t you love the brutality of the young and innocent?
NEXT TIME: Hooray, we say as Millie returns. Louise eats Jamie’s for lunch and is it all over for short-lived lovers Ollie and Chloe? Find out on next week's… Made in Chelsea.
Rachael Grace is reviewing Made in Chelsea which is on Mondays, E4 at 10pm.
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